Riveting Luxembourg News


If you are wondering why you rarely hear news out of Luxembourg, read on.

I get a daily email from the English edition of the Luxembourg newspaper (wort.lu).  From it I find out about many things going on in Luxembourg.  It's a great resource and it always amuses.  Mostly it's a nice diversion away from the heavier news of our world.  It's like a breath of fresh air - news that isn't contaminated with so much unsavoryness.  It's the kind of paper where it's news if someone brings a pet python into a restaurant.

The paper covers International and local news, like yesterday’s top International headline was “North Korea preparing for fourth nuclear test, says South.”  The what-makes-tops-news-algorithm is correct there.  It was then followed by the top Luxembourg headline of the day:

147km through Cents Tunnel & drunk - goodbye licence!”  It was at 7am on Sunday morning when police caught a driver speeding through Cents Tunnel at 147km per hour instead of the permitted 90km.

Not to diminish the seriousness of drunk driving, but the fact that someone was fined and his license confiscated for fast (not reckless) driving was the biggest news coming out of Luxembourg.  We also learned yesterday that in Luxembourg, you can receive fines and penalty points on your driver’s license as a drunk cyclist (okay) AND as a drunk pedestrian (?).   That’s right, walking while drunk is an actual offense that goes on your driving record.

Yesterday’s second top Luxembourg headline:

“Bar fight leaves one injured.”  The victim of the bar fight received a bite wound to the arm and a bloody nose. An investigation is ongoing.

Both incidents – I mean top stories -- happened on a Sunday night.   No weapons, just a bloody nose and on ongoing investigation.  I want to know if the aggressor was a woman.  The article was curiously silent as to the use of pronouns.   If it was a dude biting another dude, then maybe that is news.  Whatever the cause, it’s understandable that someone might get testy about having to drink one of two uninspiring Luxembourgish beers (Diekirch and Bofferding) when hundreds of better Belgian beers are a mere few kilometers away.  Just don’t drink and cycle there.

But before we get too down on Luxembourg drinking, the two top headlines were followed by a community headline.  It was a feature on one of Luxembourg's world class sommeliers.  “While Luxembourg's wines may be little known beyond the country's borders, its sommeliers rank among the world's finest boasting among others the world's third top sommelier.”   Alright, not the top – but the THIRD top in a super small country is definitely worth celebrating.   I didn’t plan on splitting hairs, but the story then went on to say that the sommelier was actually a Belgian national.  That factoid was below the fold.  Because as we know, it’s all EU Love until you bring wine into it.  Regardless, the Luxembourg wines ARE good and cheap, and if they were exported – they’d find a broad audience.

Moral of the story: don’t drink on Sundays, or you could be a top headline.  But if you do choose to drink, don’t you dare think about drinking French wine.